Confession Time
So not many of you know this because I didn't post it on Facebook. I needed some time to heal and to reflect on things. Last night at stake conference, a guy in my ward asked me how things were going with my boyfriend. I laughed and did a face palm because, he didn't know the truth...what had happened a month ago. One month ago, I broke up with Adam Evans...my boyfriend of just a little over a year. A lot of you might be wondering why we broke up. Now I won't give every detail, but I will give some basics.
Following Promptings and Advice
Back in January, I was issued a challenge. A friend of mine asked me to think about and pray about the following question: Was I willing to do what it took to stay in the relationship? Up until that point, I had been afraid to pray about whether or not this relationship was supposed to continue. I was afraid to do so because of my past relationships. With my past relationships, I had always been told that the relationships were not right. I needed an answer though. So despite my fear, I got down on my knees and asked Heavenly Father this question: Am I supposed to stay in this relationship? I asked for both yes and no and waited for how I felt with both. I felt more strongly with no. I got my answer...I was supposed to get out of the relationship. It wasn't the answer that I wanted, so I stayed in the relationship.
Things got really rocky between us two weeks before we broke up. I became increasingly frustrated, angry, hurt, and confused. I told my boyfriend that I knew what I needed to do but that I was afraid to do it. I told my parents that I wanted to talk to my grandfather who is a patriarch. I wanted to talk to him because he had always given me sound advice in the past. My parents agreed with me that talking to my grandfather was a good idea. I talked to my grandfather about everything that had happened in our relationship since September. He taught me lessons about a blessing that I had received from another individual back in September. After he taught me those things, I felt so much peace and so much clarity. I finally understood all of my hurt, angry, and confused feelings. After talking to him, I asked him to give me a blessing to help me to have courage to do what I knew to be right. I was given the courage I needed to break up with him. I was completely calm while doing it and I felt the Lord guide my words as I spoke to Adam.
Concluding thoughts
This was the hardest thing that I've ever had to do in my entire life. How have I been? Well, there have been good days and bad days. How do I deal with the bad days? I get down on my knees and pour my heart out to my Heavenly Father. As I pour my heart out to Heavenly Father and let Him know how I'm feeling, I feel so much peace and so much love. It's almost as if He is reaching out and wrapping His arms around me, letting me know how much He loves me and that He understands me completely. He isn't the only one who understands me completely and lends me support and strength. My Savior and Older Brother, Jesus Christ has also lent me strength. It is through Heavenly Father's love, the Savior's love, and through the Atonement, that I know on the bad days that everything is going to be okay. Throughout this whole experience, I have learned that the Atonement isn't just for repenting, it is for receiving comfort and strength when we are going through hard times and when we are faced with difficult decisions to make. When you are scared, feeling sad, or feeling alone, remember our Father in Heaven and remember our Savior. They will not leave us alone or comfortless. They will help us make the hard decisions and give us peace, love, and support every step of the way.
